Wilting Burden (Yuujin, Erika)

She's right. Shaoling would hate someone else relating her information. She'd prefer Yuujin come himself. There's something irritatingly cumbersome about Erika's scowl. Her usual bland state is expectant, but her actually having any bit of emotion directed his way is startling. She stepped up, and he stepped back.

"I left her," Yuujin admitted. "I..." How does one explain how inadequate they felt? He was always aware of how long it'd take to reach her level, but then Yugiri appeared, and the two women clicked. That feeling of being a third wheel had swallowed him whole.

"...She told you about me?"

His eyes had betrayed him. Her gaze made him look away, shift his feet, and turned his voice weak. He couldn't believe she'd share anything about him with anyone, but Erika doesn't seem the lying sort. If anything, that made him feel worse about feeling the way he did.

She felt a bit of seething when he gave her that statement, abandoned her because what? It was too tough probably if she had to guess since Shaoling was pretty intense, there was no reason to assume whatever she was teaching him was just as intense as she was. Did that justify him betraying her trust to just leave then after all the time and effort that she took pride in investing in him?

"She spoke highly of you."

Erika didn't need to give him the context, she was a woman that was to the point but she was also a woman that spoke her mind if she wanted to. If they didn't like it they could fight back, they could argue with her, even give up the ground to throw a punch if they had no better case to give her.

"People that give up on those they care about are trash, just as the people that give up on those who care about them are."

She affirmed without turning away to make sure there was no misunderstanding by her saying it if she walked away after dropping that case.

Talk about a shitty feeling.

Yeah. Definitely shitty.

She spared him nothing. Her words cut just as badly as she had cut Shaoling, but Yuujin lacked any defense. He felt sad and angry at the same time. He didn't want to betray Shaoling. He had his reasons. He has his reasons. She's... She's like family to him. She's more family than his actual family at times, and the idea that he'd betray family...

"Watch it. She's not them. I care about her. Them... I can't find a reason to care about them the same way."

He found himself suddenly pushing back against Erika, his brow knitted angrily as he found himself pushing back against her accusations. Though, the realization that he had snapped at her caught him just as it had happened. He recoiled quickly before he caused an altercation, lowering his voice.

"I wasn't growing. I wasn't good enough to be trained by her. I left to find out why I couldn't show the fruits of her efforts... Of my efforts. I had to leave to think about things because there's no point wasting her time with a conflicted heart."

"Don't cry all over me."

She shot at him without much thought about whether or not it would benefit him. If he wanted someone to cry to then she wasn't that person, she refused to be be that for a stranger and she hated the idea that he'd burden her friend with this as well. It wasn't her business to have to deal with this guy's problems when she had her own to shoulder.

"You benefit from her time and efforts, and when you struggle? Your answer is to run away until you find the answer. Sounds like someone's just making an excuse because they didn't try hard enough, or maybe you just don't have the same faith in her to be able to help you like she had when she took you on as a pupil."

"There are things someone can't simply teach you," He started, gritting his teeth at her insistence that he found Shaoling lacking.

"A father can teach a son how to be a man, but until he experiences life himself, he'll never get it. A teacher can mold you into the perfect warrior, but unless there's reason to fight, what'll become him?"

Sounding like a riddle, he thought of his own feelings. He felt inadequate, yeah, but he also found himself throwing his weight around for seemingly no reason. He had run away from home because he felt unwanted and unneeded. Fighting felt like the only thing that centered him, made him feel real at times, but after experiencing what he had, he found himself not as important anymore even in fights. Wracked with why he's even training, he just couldn't help but try and find a reason for himself. No matter how much Shaoling instills in him, what's the point if he's wandering aimlessly?

"I know it's nothing but excuses, but I can't keep fighting if my heart's not into it."

"Then man up or quit. Don't waste people's time."

She chided him for his weak attitude. Quitter talk, how pathetic. Whining about how a father could teach a boy how to be a man but he'd never figure it out until he did it for himself. It wasn't Shaoling's responsibility to teach him why he was doing anything.

"Running away and putting it on hold because you don't know is stupid. Figure it out yourself while you do it. You want a reason to fight? Then go find a big tough shinigami and piss them off so they beat you half to death then you have a reason to keep fighting if you don't want to be trampled over, and learn some pride."

"You make it sound easy," He said, bearing his teeth just a bit out of annoyance.

He's usually not the type to let things get to him, but being talked down to for the same thing that he's already been berating himself for can start to grind some gears. Quit? He left because he doesn't want to quit. He doesn't want to wake up one day and not feel like doing this anymore. A break from what's causing him such strife is all he could think to do to collect himself, and all she can say is to just stick with it until something clicks, whether it's a reason to continue or give up.

"I betcha your whole journey was filled with nothing but success, huh? I'm trying, okay? And I'm not letting some brash mouth who got her ass handed to her by Sensei tell me off."

He kept his voice down at least, not wanting to make too much of a scene. However, his brows knitted with frustration, a reason to fight blooming into the back of his head. He definitely can't win if things did get violent, but if she wants him to get his ass handed to him, then she better not be all bark and no bite. She doesn't seem the type to get heated and put his ass on the ground, but you never know.

"No, but life's not easy so stop crying about it and do something about it rather than wasting everyone's time."

She became a little irritated when he had the audacity to say that her life must be nothing but successful because she was stoic. She just chose the simplest route which let her deal with the most strife, she endured the betrayals, the humiliation, and the weakness.

"At least I'm not crying over the hole she put in my stomach and giving up over something like losing my will to fight. If you're going to act like a lame horse then do it where you're not embarrassing yourself."

"I'm not trying to cry," He grumbled.

"I'm not even here for any of that. My dad just died, and I need to ask Murasaki about Midori. I'm not trying to trouble her with anything else."

However, just saying that made him pause and think. He has his reason for speaking with Murasaki. It's selfish, yes, but she's the only one around he knows who has any experience with what he's thinking about. However, with just saying it out loud, he can see the faults with his reasoning.

"Ugh..." He sighed, rubbing his head with his hands. "But even that comes off as just running away from my issues. Why am I overthinking everything?"

"Because you're an idiot. Idiots always overcomplicate their issues."

She said while looking off to the side. Her disinterested look assessing the area around her in a quick motion to evaluate how much of a scene he was causing. Apparently not that much but she wondered if that was because no one was willing to be the victim of her tongue by intervening. Whether they were craven or just diligent to their jobs was up for further debate.

Not that she'd have it. Murasaki was far better at understanding how people felt. Erika's empathy was far too atrophied to be an emotional pillar of support for others.